Flushable Butt Wipes — Plant-Based & Septic-Safe
MURDER YOUR DRYPAPER.
Your toilet paper has been failing you since 1857. Time to fire it.
THREE REASONS
YOUR ASS WILL THANK YOU.
WET BEATS DRY
Toilet paper smears. Our flushable butt wipes actually clean. There is video evidence and you don't want to see it.
FLUSHABLE & SEPTIC-SAFE.
Septic-safe. Sewer-safe. Designed to break down after you flush instead of joining whatever is growing in your pipes. Approved by the kind of people who get paid to test that.
PLANT-BASED & ALCOHOL-FREE.
No alcohol. No parabens. No fragrance unless you ask. Gentle enough for sensitive skin, made from plant fibers, and zero apology.
BADGES OF HONOR.
PICK YOUR WEAPON.
3 SKUS / 1 MISSIONThree flushable wipe formats: the everyday 80-count, individually wrapped travel singles, and the 640-count box for people who have made a lifestyle of this.
A QUICK INTERRUPTION
DO YOU EVEN WIPE?
Be honest. You've been smearing for years. Statistically, you finish the job in the shower, which means you don't actually finish the job at all.
FIX IT NOW →
THE CRAP
WE'D
NEVER
USE.
WHAT WE LEFT OUT ↓
ALCOHOL
Pouring rubbing alcohol on your taint is a choice. We chose differently.
FRAGRANCE
Your ass is not a candle. Stop trying to make it smell like one.
PARABENS
Preservatives with their own Wikipedia controversy section. Hard pass.
HARSH CHEMICALS
If you can't pronounce it, you probably don't want it on a mucous membrane.
DYES
A wipe should not be neon. Yours won't be.
SULFATES
The stuff that makes industrial cleaners foam. Skip.
MICROPLASTICS
Not on your butt. Not in the ocean. Not anywhere.
ANIMAL TESTING
No rabbits. No beagles. No nonsense. Just humans (volunteers).
EVERY BUTT, NO EXCEPTIONS.
For him. For her. Doesn't matter which pack you need - we make wipes for the entire population of Earth, all of whom (8.3 Billion) have an ass
REAR-VIEW REVIEWS.
QUESTIONS YOU’RE TOO EMBARRASSED TO ASK.
Yes, and we mean it in the way plumbers mean it, not the way marketing departments mean it. Our wipes are made from plant fibers designed to break apart after flushing rather than survive the trip. One at a time, not a fistful. Your pipes have limits and so do we.
Ours are. Septic-safe and sewer-safe, because the fibers disperse instead of knitting themselves into the clog you’d rather not meet. If you’re on an older or already-struggling septic system, flush one wipe at a time and you’ll be fine.
Baby wipes are built to survive being dragged around a diaper bag — they’re thicker, they don’t break down, and most are not flushable no matter what the front of the pack implies. Flushable butt wipes are engineered to disperse. Baby wipes are also sized for babies, which is a polite way of saying they are not sized for you.
That’s the whole point. No alcohol, no parabens, no dyes, no sulfates, no microplastics, and a fragrance-free option. Just water and plant fibers.
Bad ones do, and there are a lot of bad ones — which is why plumbers have spent a decade telling everyone to avoid the entire category. The failure mode is a wipe that stays intact. Ours are designed to come apart. Flush one at a time, don’t flush anything else with it, and don’t test the theory with a paper towel.
The 80-count is the everyday answer. The Emergency Stash is individually wrapped for a bag, glovebox, or carry-on. The 640-count box is for households, roommates, or a personality type.
More questions? Read the full FAQ →